i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
