Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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