Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
