fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
