How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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