Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
