I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
