The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
