My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
