i don't like sucking hair
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
