I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It was confusing and full of hummus
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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