If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
