happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
