That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
