I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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