i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
