I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
