shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
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