If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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