I faked an abortion last night.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
