WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
