Where did you get a picture of my penis
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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