Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
