You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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