i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize