I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
