how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
