i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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