eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Randomize
