Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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