Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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