Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
