Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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