so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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