Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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