No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
