Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
