never play flip cup with pint glasses
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
