Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just found puke in my bra..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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