I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
