You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
