I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
