Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
