I wish my penis had an off switch
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
