i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize