I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
