I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
