He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
