The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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