The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I intend to get homeless drunk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
