If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Everything about him screamed your future.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
