No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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