Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
