can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
