his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This toilet bowl is my home.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
