I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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