so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
