He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize