I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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