I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
