Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize