I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
