you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
