saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
