Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
