He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
