happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
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