absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
