my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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