And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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