i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize