Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
