Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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