I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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