Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
sarcasm needs its own font
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
