there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
