does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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