It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
