I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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