Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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