He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
