i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
