You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
