New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
