so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
