i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
