I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
