He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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