That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
