His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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