just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
