Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
