I like to think it a success when the cops are called
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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