He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
