how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
