Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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