He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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