Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
