When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
