You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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