Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
