Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
soo... how was my night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
