3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
