mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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