she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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