In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
