I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I could make wine with my vomit
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
