i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
